When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
