K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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