on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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