I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
