we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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