I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
