i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
