My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
