You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
