I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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