I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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