he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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