At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
