god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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