so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
