Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my poor anus
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
