so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
