y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
