your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
