You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
