Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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