Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
