I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
