went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
