I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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