One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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