I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think i got beer on your cat.
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