I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
