You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
