I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
