A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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