I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
