Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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