I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
