Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
