It's just like the Real World with babies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
