so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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