just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
