i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
