Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
