did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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