We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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