I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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