I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
