I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
