If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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