I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
