I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
