Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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