She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
