why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
