I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
