she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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