i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
