never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
